Grow and you shall receive

written my manifestation list, my fear of failure, choosing a life guided by our heart

NOTE: “It’s not your job to make it perfect” - I received this email today from Calm and I’m gonna take it as a sign to send the letter today.

I’ve been writing and editing this piece almost every day, and every time I like it more but I notice that If I continue editing I might not send it. I’m not here to be perfect.

So if you, like me, are postponing something, this is your reminder do to it :)

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Magic is something I've been inviting more into my life lately, so I thought that a great way to do that is through choosing a card from my oracle each month and working around what comes up.

Have you connected with your deepest desire?

Creation by Francesca MccConell

 
A great question to open December, a moment of introspection for me and when I start to write my list of manifestations for the new year. So that's where it all starts, an idea written on paper.

A few years ago I used to go through the end of the year with a lot of nostalgia, I felt that I hadn’t done the things I wanted to do, and I didn’t have enough time. It was the time when I processed all my endings, the grief, and letting go. I know that time is an invention of man but mentally I was affected by this belief, feeling that the time was running out, every December, instead of seeing it with greater abundance and with the opportunity to explore a thousand new things. I only saw what I was missing. So rushed, at the last minute, I would run to write my resolutions for the next year, with a lot of fear, fear that they would not happen.

At that time I didn’t understand that I am the creator of my reality, that I am creating myself at all times, and that living under the idea that things happen to me instead of me to them, was a decision that was not doing me good, it made me a prisoner of my story instead of the creator of it.

Now I know that, and still this year, I couldn’t help feeling the same fear, that they might not happen.

I started to write my list and I noticed how I hesitated to put something that I wanted deeply there, I noticed that a little voice was whispering “Why are you going to write that? if the probabilities that it will happen are almost zero?” and I know that little voice believes that it is not possible because it’s something that I have never done before and then it’s when my fear of failure shows up, my old good friend, preventing me from opening myself to doing something new without knowing how.

What happens in that moment of reality and dream? When I’m about to write what I want but the little voice inside my head makes me hesitate?

I create

in

less

than

a second,

a story.

Fear keeps us in a constant cycle. It wants to keep me safe by paralyzing me and CONVINCE ME, yes in capital letters, of me not taking action, because if I do, I will fail, and that would mean I’m a failure, so let’s better not go through it, right? That sounds painful, it says. But the thing is that is also painful, not trying, because if I stay the same, I still feel like a failure, because I’m not living the life I want to live and that doesn’t go away until I decide to choose differently.

Thank you, my friend,

for keeping me safe

but a life run by fear

is not the one

I want to live.

via cosmos

Choosing a life guided by our heart and soul requires a lot of courage and the thing about courage is that it can’t be felt without fear. Is our fears that very often hold the key to our greatest gifts. And the more resistance we put up, the further away we will be from what we want. 

So in that moment, with a lot of doubt and fear, I decided to look at myself in complete and radical acceptance, an act of courage and love for myself. Recognize the story made by my wounds, my conditioning, and my coping mechanisms, that are preventing me from living the life that is available for me.

There is a reason why I want what I want, our dreams are so unique just like us. 

Go,

is in that direction,

there is something else

even if you have no idea

where it is

or

how to get there.

For me, intuition is our direct communication with our heart desires and our deepest authentic self, and it’s our responsibility to clean the interferences that might block that flow. Clean the connection between our intuition and our mind, so that every time we get downloads of information we can hear them and see them clearly, with openness and determination to act on it.

Acceptance

Yes, I might have no idea how I'm going to make it, but that doesn't mean I can not do it.

It’s not the first time I do something for the first time.

Facing my fear of failure with the courage of simply taking one first step. Until that first step every day becomes a road.

How many times have I found myself in this position and I made it through the other side? Now I can slow down and notice it. 

When am I gonna learn?

as many times 
as necessary, 

as many times 
as you need to learn
that there is a lot to unlearn 

and with patience 
I can trust myself
because it is ok not to have it
all figured out 

I’m the creator of my life
and I’m my own savior

One day not too far away
without knowing 
that will be my truth
without doubt.

The simple fact of facing it is changing something in me. In the end, it is not about the dream, it is about what the path to the dream teaches me.

Our deepest desires have the potential to unlock and peel back the layers that have conditioned us. I remember that in the movie Soul, the little soul created this persona, big and strong, that helped him to run away to protect himself, but inside the little soul was crying, hopeless. Same for us, our soul is there wanting to be taken care of and nurtured. 

The more I face my fears the closer I am to my inner child, to my unconditioned self and I owe it to her - the creative, dreamy, loving, fun, explorer Liz, I owe her the life I know is available for us.

I want to finish this letter with the possibility of seeing our fears as an invitation, from our hearts and soul, to grow to receive. 

What is taken care of, shines.

It’s when we face the parts of ourselves
that we are most scared of
that we can grow
and see truth change.

The life of our dreams is waiting for us, whatever that looks for you, ask and you shall receive. The universe will listen to us and will respond to us in a specific and unique way that we can only notice when we are truly present.

I really enjoy writing this piece, it’s the longest one I have done so far here, and it feels like by sharing it with you, I would get to another layer of integration with this topic that has been so present in my life. 

Love,
Liz